The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
did i walk over a car last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
