i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
