Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
