god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
