Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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