Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
