I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize