I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
