fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
