You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
