We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.