Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...