Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes