Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

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(816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4

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(734): View more from Michigan

we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".

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(734): we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS". http://tfl.nu/4yux

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.

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(617): Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club. http://tfl.nu/jnj2

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

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(301): I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this. http://tfl.nu/hhg4

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(310): View more from California

It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.

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(310): It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer. http://tfl.nu/9xay

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.

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(413): im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask. http://tfl.nu/in4y

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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(405): I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine. http://tfl.nu/ew02

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

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(502): She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused. http://tfl.nu/76xl

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(253): View more from Washington

she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie

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(253): she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie http://tfl.nu/dtyw

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(402): View more from Nebraska

In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.

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(402): In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/rvi7

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.

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(651): I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class. http://tfl.nu/5a7w

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(229): View more from Georgia

Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.

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(229): Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night. http://tfl.nu/rfsw

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(602): View more from Arizona

Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.

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(602): Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world. http://tfl.nu/z3pl

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(310): View more from California

All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.

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(310): All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta. http://tfl.nu/aprf

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave

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(608): I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave http://tfl.nu/hose

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