he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
