Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
