do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
