I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
