Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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