You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it's like iHOP with fire
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is the high leading the old right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
