Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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