Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
