Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
