just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
