you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
