smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
