that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
