That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
