dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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