So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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