I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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