Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.