I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.