My hand turned me down
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.