I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry