nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.