I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.