I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.