He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast