Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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