I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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