i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
