I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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