Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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