It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize