i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
