I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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