Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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