maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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