Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
