Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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