I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize