Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
