so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
