dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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