that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
