I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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