Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
