IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
