When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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