Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
