What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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