Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
