If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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