i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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