Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
