I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
