My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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