I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
