There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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