Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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