remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
