He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
